Blog 40 – Saturday night special

If like me you would have heard of Saturday night specials, fortunately we’re   in Australia, where the special has nothing to do with firearms, colt 45, Kalashnikov AK 47 – 7.62mm full metal jacket, 84mm tank destroyer. It’s all about pizza, not your ordinary pizza the quintessential Italian style cheese and tomato. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s go back to the beginning. Way Way back to this morning, when it was all rush around and general dressing properly to go somewhere mysterious called the CITY. The City, I’m going to be careful how a  day leading to the special is as thrilling as it sounds. The means of reaching the CITY is by perambulation. The form of “transport” is a large metal container with four rubber rings one to a corner. This is moved by means of an engine. What is an engine you sigh? For the ignorant it is a villainous, dangerous, obnoxious (enough of us) mixture of components all working in harmony turning round and round the rings on the corners, moving by adhesion and perpetual motion.

We are promised that to travel in this vehicle is a treat especially if driven by the House – master! The ‘drive’ as it is called was at great pace and with the wind created making our hair blow around – out of control. However, this isn’t a problem for the Housemaster! He has been exceptionally brilliant and solved the problem of knotted locks and blustery looks by the removal of his tresses many years before in the mists of time.  The House-master shows inordinate skill in manoeuvring the car all over the roads, handling corners like the car was on rails.

The arrival at the area in the city whereby he reveals that the quest to the city is veiled in secrecy, and at a location called the White Horse . the house master is forced to let slip that we are to rendezvous with fellow older students who pass on their knowledge to the extra small members of our society: Teachers. The older teacher requests permission to enter the White Horse and if acceptable to eat some of the gastronomic delights created in the ‘kitchen’ a place of gas and fire and angry people, each throwing a different ‘ingredient’ on platters, again round objects created from a white coloured mud which is hardened not to bend and lose your repast. We learn that the secrecy is now revealed and that all the participants can sit and enjoy the repast, a great variety of foods but not a sign of the House-master’s speciality – pizza. The drinking of alcohol was indulged and greatly enjoyed by all.  For being appreciative of the House-master’s generous gift the minions gathered together to find a cold room dispensing ‘ice-cream’ which was enjoyed, it should be noted that this glorious product is acceptable in large portions as well as small.  After a brief sojourn in a garden enjoying both the sunshine and ice-cream, we are drawn to the car for a return journey to ‘The House’.

The House is the building in which the master keeps his family of whom he has much devotion. The master has been known to share the house with some foreign relations of his betrothed, of whom he has deep love and understanding (understanding that if he fails to bestow the freedom of the house, his tenure would rapidly reduce to a size consummate with his pets requirements. (he’d be in the doghouse)).

The master instals us into our positions of somewhat dubious comfort, covering his left and rear from potential danger.  He drives the car maintaining his levels of concentration and skill, along major roads called highways and has been known to take the car into caves which journey for many kilometres through mountains and come out via another cave and arrives at the house on a journey which saw the sun move to give the time as 04.00 GMT. (work it out for yourself). Through the whole journey the House Master complains of hunger pains, which he wants to assuage with “Pizza”. The desire for this form of fodder is a regular failing in the attempt to reduce the master’s bulk to manageable proportions, but they are his passion to the extent of which the master devours these delights having created them with his own fair hand or cooked from scratch. The master is ably assisted in the manufacture of these delicacies by two very qualified companions, Jim Beam and Jack Daniels. Both these assistants suggest a range of ingredients selected to give satisfaction to the wildly out of control taste buds of the increasing numbers of guests and relations.  The ceremony of “The Ignition of the Kind Lings” is undertaken with the customary degree of skill, and reverence is shown by the beholding horde of spectators, some of whom have the impudence to make unqualified suggestions as to how to assemble the Kind Lings to improve the baking power of the Pizza.  The master dismisses this advice with the certain knowledge that his skill and experience will win the day.

When the master constructs Pizzas his two assistants, Jim and Jack, contribute by first off providing vegetables such as tomatoes mixed with cheeses provided by foreign overseas merchants. The hungry hordes are unimpressed with this unusually basic offering and demand exotic toppings to satisfy their cravings. The master searches the nooks and crannies for different flavourings and offers the multitude that king among foodstuffs of which every household in Christendom has at least one storage receptacle ready for use. “I will try some of this nectar with the cheese from hevon (silly play on words for devon) and offer it to some unsuspecting victims and check the response”. But the ploy failed, and the hordes expressed distain and revulsion, for the nectar is either loved or not. Suddenly an elderly figure rose in support declaring that the production of Marmite pizza should start tomorrow.