And a good time was had by all

With Xmas now a long way in the distance – galloping to the next festive celebration -only 359 days to go (as of today my time – 304 to Halloween and a mere 331days to Thanksgiving and most importantly 251 days to my birthday - don’t time fly etc. etc….

We had a brilliant day yesterday. With half the antipodean rabble visiting together with close friends I was invited to share the day they planned to see the Christmas displays at the birthplace of the greatest ever Englishman – Winston Churchill for those who don’t know – Blenheim Palace - home to the Duke of Marlborough – creator of my beloved regiment – the Fusiliers later to become the Royal Regiment of Fusiliers of which I was a proud member in the TAVR battalion for a number of years.

All the above is a by the by as we went to see the Christmas decs and walk the illuminated trail plus the bonus of High Tea.

D (D2’s other (I won’t say better for obvious reasons half)) that swell man from Aus, collected a hire vehicle capable of carrying the swarm of people going the trip, only to find when he reached the hire shop I’ll tell you who later, the vehicle he ordered was not back off the previous hire and wasn’t expected in until around 30minutes late - Problem 1.

When it finally arrived, the standard vehicle prep was foreshortened due to the need to collect passengers and get to the venue in time of the allocated slot for entry to the palace. But being a practical person D told the hire company reps to get their fingers out and sort it. This they did and we were collected and left with a small margin of time just sufficient for us to be there and with use of our blue card we parked as close as was possible to the main entrance. We all love it when a plan comes together (A team – Liam Neeson), BUT – while playing around with the dashboard display while driving at 70mph on the motorway a warning flashed up stating that the nearside rear tyre was low on pressure – ‘No worries’ said mien driver. So being the dutiful passenger I totally ignored the warning and sat back to enjoy the ride – potential Problem 2

The palace was as usual splendidly decorated with the theme being ‘peter pan’. What I wouldn’t do for some of the fairies to add to our colony. A mini highlight was the appearance of Captain Hook – a superb and humorous characterisation, who with good grace and gentle wit conducted us through the pirate ship. Everything went well and we found ourselves in the palace courtyard wondering what next – we were too early for the high tea and the day was still bright so as to make the illuminated trail pointless, so all adjourn to the tea rooms, followed by the compulsory visit to the jam and marmalade shop ( sorry ‘gift shop’) I’m sure it’s still the same stock as I looked last time I was there 5 years ago!!

Using his Australian charm (a contradiction in terms surely) we managed to get into the Orangery early and sat for what seemed like hours enjoying the ambience, the well provided High Tea and of course the company and chat.

It was around this time I started to stiffen up but managed – getting older is a pain in the a natomy. Potential problem 3 the old codger not making it round the illuminated trail.

It was dark outside (starting to get b….y cold – was presented with a beany hat to keep my head warm – of course -wouldn’t be given a hat to keep the feet warm would I? (dipstick)

After a slow walk through the tail which was magnificent with such a brilliant display of lights it was about time to go. So the tribe was summoned and we meandered our way to the car. When we arrived at the vehicle D, who had gone on ahead, was walking around the car, doubling back, turning round again and appeared to be checking the wheels only to find we had a flat – on the very tyre indicated on the dashboard early in the day – well what a surprise!! After much discussion and apportioning of blame, the hire company were contacted and a breakdown company contacted. The breakdown company were over an hour away.. minor problem outside our control 4

When you’re waiting for that type of rescue you start to notice that it’s very dark where you parked, the wind always picks up and the wind chill factor escalates (or is it drops) which gives rise to further minor potential problems mainly to do with age and gender. 5.

Being of that age range and generation, one tends to fall back on old habits, past advice and desperate measures to combat the course of nature. Face when you’re my age you get cold – you want to pee.

I did all the standard checks, you know ‘can I go near the rear wheel a la motorway practice of thirty years ago’ Definitely not – the whole family seem to be standing around the back of the car.

‘Can I go behind a tree? There’s only our family and about fifty security personnel around you which makes it problematic – so ‘NO’.

How far to the nearest toilet (bearing in mind you went only 30 minutes ago)? About 20 miles as the crow flies - yep too far!

So all you can do is walk around like a demented soul desperately trying to hold back when slowly and happily (?) the feeling dies away and you can relax (but for how long?)

The breakdown truck arrives, the spare wheel is extracted from the boot and the professional completes his task and we prepare to leave.

It’s quite a common thing now that the old style ‘spare wheel’ isn’t the wheel as we know it, it’s a skinny motorbike of the fifties wheel that shouldn’t be driven at over 50 mph, much to the chagrin of D, who until D2 speaks seems to have anger issues (I quote).

We are the last car to leave the palace, and security ask us to lock up on our way out and put the key in the letter box (not really).

WE make it to the main road when that feeling returns. You know the road and that there are numerous petrol stations offering the type of facility you require.

Oxfordshire is or you suppose is a civilised part of the world, with it’s wonderful local history, academia and panoramic vistas to enjoy. And in this cherished environment the inhabitants live idyllic existences where love and affection for your fellow man walk hand I hand! Does it, b……s!!

The following events are true and as they happened – note I am wearing a ‘Hidden Disabilities’ lanyard and card

Service Station 1 – witney road near Woodstock shell garage. Enter garage and ask member of staff if there is a convenience I could use – ‘No out of use – door locked!’ explain re lanyard no change’ leave head for next service (ha-ha) station.

Service Station 2 – Peartree Island Oxford – BP (I think) Member of staff – shown lanyard ‘No – door locked!!’

D getting angry – drive on to next SS

Service Station 3 – A34 – BP – Toilets ‘out of use’ maintenance – notice says use wc in Starbucks. Enquire of member of staff – response -Starbuck’s closed go to Chively services 8 miles north on m40.

By this time panicking in case wetting of seat occurs but made it – just.

Although slow made it home 1.30am. I was going to blog it when I got in but that tired, I’ve decided I’ll start tomorrow