World Domination Maybe But Not Yet

What!? Fancy starting with a title like that. Is this a continuation of the Fall thing is something going on with the GBHS crowd.  Haven’t the foggiest that’s all-yesterday’s news, I think I must have had a mad moment when reality hit and then fantasy took over. Why do we do that when we know that the leaves will always win?.

Still on to happier things – trolls – yes, we’re making moves to create (help to rebuild or relocate) the village we nicked in Norway. Well to be honest it was kidnapping of the town leader and few mates and their girlfriends to  recolonize the new town/cave. It’s been leaked that the entourage is being kept under lock and key in total luxury in the human/captors abode known as a house.

These houses are weird. Firstly, they are not a naturally occurring feature.

Next, whereas we enjoy many features to our caves the humans are as frightened as can be about running water.

Everytroll knows that the waterfalls in our caves provide numerous benefits that elevate our standing of living to levels well in excess of the human situation.

Look at it the terms of how the benefits are harnessed. The movement of the water through creates a fine mist which spreads throughout the abode giving a perfect humidity for the various plants and vegetables we have growing in troughs hewed from the mountainside. The flow pattern of the water is diverted to header tanks which are both breeding and storage pens for the various fish we enjoy.  As an understanding race you humans appreciate this method of storage because we have seen where you dig deep holes in the ground and fill them with water, chuck in some foliage, wait twelve moonths, then add the spawn, hoping that they will grow into fish. After going to the bother of creating this habitat they then try to catch the fish they put in originally, as a cheap way of building up food stocks  As far as we can see,  because they haven’t planned the pens properly , they have trouble gathering in the harvest, so to try catch the fish before they become to big and lose the flavour, other humans are encouraged and enticed by their peers to take a bit of wood about 16worms long, with an even longer length twining grass attached to the end with a hook tied at he other end and drop the hook into the pen obviously hoping that the right sized fish will maim it’s mouth by biting the hook.  Do they think that the fish are without common sense?  Of course the fish won’t bite it. where’s the reward in that?. Some of the humans are quite crafty in as much as they cut up our units of measure (worms) skewer them on the hook and throw it back in the water as a ‘lure’. This is where the fish start to have a bit of fun with the humans.  Usually in groups of 8-10 they sit round the hook and take it in turns to attempt to remove the piece of worm by grabbing hold with their mouths and swimming away as fast as they can before the human can force the hook into the tougher areas of the mouth where there is little or no feeling. The fish then increase the humour by allowing the human to pull it towards him and after pretending to struggle to escape eventually ‘surrender’ and let the human lift it out of the water remove the hook then throw it back into the pen. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?!?!

As a note the fish sometimes spits out the hook just at the moment the human seems to think it can remove the hook and claim the fish as a ‘prize’?  When will they learn that the pens, although used by humans are temporary living quarters ‘for fish’!! and should not try to understand what a world which is clearly beyond their understanding.

NOTE to Humans , hint to improve catching the right fish. Put a drain in the pen and filter measured for whichever size fish they want to catch.

The waterfall’s next main function is power. As the whole world knows there are certain times when the cave needs to be illuminated for working machinery.  The world also knows that Norway is superior in constructing ‘hydro-electric’ power stations using the weight and volume of water drawn from the falls. These works are, under contract, installed and maintained by the NEWT (Norwegian Electric Water Terminals) equipment (installation) llp -ltd. The head troll ‘employed’ for this project is one of the world authorities in hydro-electrics, so what happens regarding cave electrics is not subject to dispute.

There are other function served by the water falls is ‘TROLLGENE’.  Trollgene maintains the hygiene and potability of the water so that the population can bathe, shower and drink safely and without risk.  In this department the Troll head person liaises with a human company named ‘PWSLTD’ headed by a giant named Pip, a human expert in this primarily NEWT field of knowledge.

All the above benefits are available to the troll community at no charge, and every troll can use these facilities wherever in the world they happen to be.

The human view on water cascading through their homes is one of sheer panic, and bearing in mind the total lack of control the humans display when the water changes back to NEWT control and principles, it’s understandable.

To demonstrate how stupid humans are. The principle problem is that the ‘homes’ are MANUFACTURED  -   (lol) 

Humans gather up garden materials from the underground Troll communities, put a mixture of GM and water together to solidify.  When this process is employed, under strict Troll supervision, blocks of the mixture are created. Humans then gather large numbers of these blocks, which they have named – Bricks – in an attempt to avoid trolltax, and take them to the opposite side of their kingdom, stack them on top of each other using a glue like solution which hardens and stops them falling apart. They obviously don’t understand that you can’t mix these materials as instead of being controlled as in the caves, the water in the ‘homes’ is completely out of control, and when mixed incorrectly break down to the natural components and spread everywhere mixing instead with electric to form another unstable product.  Silly b….rs.

Having had discussions with the human owners of the location of the proposed cave, and advising them that there will be no debate regarding the construction, the humans have set up a programme detailing what they feel should be taken into account and have scheduled another survey that will start tomorrow.